Take his hand

In was praying this morning, nothing unusual about that. But, one of the things that I do before I pray the office is this, I consecrate the time to God asking only the courage to know him and to do his will and if he gives me anything beyond this that I accept it humbly, with a contrite heart. Now if I am feeling especially sinful or contrite about something I make an act of contrition.

“O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended you and I detest all my sins…,” at this point I say something like I detest… whatever sin or issue it is.

Well today, I was particularly mindful of some anger, frustration, resentment and vengeful thinking regarding a situation in which I have been mistreated. I really wanted to give some people an earful. The thing is that frequently these feelings have been invading my prayer. They have undermined my peace, and, to some extent, have kept me separated from Christ.

I brought these things to my “confession.” “Father, I detest my resentment and anger. I am unable to strip myself of these feelings and so I leave them at the foot of your throne.” Having completed my act of contrition I began praying the office. I was reading the psalm from the office of readings when I came upon this passage. I knew that God had heard my prayer. He spoke to me in the psalm. He might as well have spoken through a burning bush or from a cloud in the sky, it was that clear.

And so when my heart grew embittered

And my soul was deeply wounded

I was stupid and did not understand,

No better than a beast in your sight.

Yet, I was always in your presence;

You were holding me by my right hand. (Psalm 73:21-23)

I think that one of the things that have kept me enslaved to my anger, clutching desperately to my resentments, quick to pass judgment is not just the deceitful, mean spiritedness of a single act. Indeed I have no resentment toward the one who instigated the betrayal. I know he is ill. But the rejection and abandonment of people who claimed to be my friends; to suffer their abandonment and rejection and their continued attacks, this is a bitter pill. That’s the source of the anger and everything else that goes with it.

But I have been stupid, like a dumb animal I have not been using my brain or my heart. I was not abandoned. The Father was there through it all. He was holding my hand. Just as I would have held my own son’s hand when he was a child, making sure he got through whatever difficulty faced him. Like a child rests upon its mother’s knee, protected, provided for, and loved. That’s who God is, not just for me, but for anyone who calls upon Him.

Who else have I in heaven but you O Lord?

Apart from you I want nothing.

We are never abandoned. Even if it looks like it and feels like it, the Lord has us by the hand. He’s got our back. No real harm can ever befall us. Take His hand. I leave you with this lyric based on Isaiah 49 from a song by Carey Landry.

My people, I have carved you on the palm of My Hand, I will never forget you, I will not leave you orphaned, I will never forget My own. Would a mother forget her baby, or a woman the child within her womb? Yet even if these forget, yes, even if these forget, I will never forget My own.